Bitchin at breakfast

As I have mentioned before, my brother is important to me. In this life of friends that come and go and issues that come and go, my brother has been my constant. We can literally get through the hardest of things and somehow find a way to come through it together. Our most recent rift was all to do with the woman he’d met and married all in the space of two weeks. My doubts about the relationship had little effect on my brother and he progressed forward in it, the result of which was a pregnancy. So with that in mind I had no choice but to jump on board. That board would be a very temporary placement, as less than a year in, his wife cheated on him. This caused my brother to doubt everything about their relationship, and when she unfortunately lost the baby, he knew it was time to bow his head and say goodbye. Being a gentlemen he left her the apartment he had worked so hard to keep over the years and had since moved back in to my parents place, which is probably the most awful thing about this story, living with my parents again! I mean I love those guys but the first time round was hard enough, add a second time with a divorce and it’s all too much to bare.

Now, I knew that despite their helpful and supportive nature my brother was desperate to get out and, when he invited me out for breakfast in Hoxton yesterday, telling me he had a plan, well I assumed it was a new place, a new apartment. Whatever I assumed it was it wasn’t and so began our first real rift ever.

He was there when I arrived which was shocking for him. I was usually waiting around for him in places but there he was waiting for me with to full breakfast platters. Ever since the separation had begun he had always looked bleak, sad, but not today, today he looked at ease comfortable and I like to see him that way.

“So, the man with a plan! Let’s hear it?” I said, avoiding all the small talk that’s not necessary with family which he seemed to appreciate because his response was direct and to the point…unfortunately.

“Yea, well you know how I am, always wanted to explore but never really wanting to cut my ties to London. Well I think I’m going to go away for a while, a few years and set up shop somewhere else”.  He said with ease.

Now, let me first clarify that my response had nothing to do with the fact that the other man in my life had recently left me to go and explore the world and let me also clarify that my response had nothing to do with me not wanting my brother to be happy. It does however, have everything to do with the one trait of my brothers that I hate. This trait is something I never mention because I genuinely never want to think of my brother as having any negative qualities but there it was starring me in the face.

“You’re running away. That’s exactly what this is, it’s not a plan, it’s an escape. Instead of staying here and dealing with the mess that you created when you acted on the most stupid impulse ever to marry and impregnate a girl you hardly knew, you are choosing to run away and flee like a coward!”

That was my response and wow it was much harsher than I ever intended but it was honest. That was what my brother did, whenever times got a little hard he’d escape. The reason he’d gone to Cuba and met his “wife” in the first place was because he was fleeing an ex. He dove from one thing in to another and that was the truth. Now I am no expert on how to live but I do know that dealing with your problems is necessary.

My brother sat there stunned and then did something he’s never done before, yelled at me.

“Don’t come at me because you’re too scared to do anything different. You pass up every opportunity that comes you’re way because you’re scared of change and people like me intimidate you.” He said pushing his plate aside.

I had to laugh, not because he was mistaken, he wasn’t but because I couldn’t believe that he was judging me for staying put for five minutes.

“Ok, well if that’s how you feel, then feel that way and go, flee the city. What really astonishes me about you is you could have it all figured out if you wanted to. You could go back home and stop letting the girl who cheated on you live in your apartment rent free, you could go and get your old life back, but that would mean dealing with an awkward situation which you are incapable of doing!”

Again, looking back I was pretty harsh.

“Sorry I don’t choose to live my life surrounded in issues” he said getting up and running away from the situation, which as I said, was nothing new for him.

So there I sat, alone in a breakfast place, having just argued with my best friend. I wasn’t going after him, so instead I stayed, looked at myself in the conveniently place mirror and thought

“You’re such a bitch”

Although I’m never telling him that!