Future Unknown

It was that time, the end, the true end to something I personally believe should never have begun. Had he not have been in that place, he would never have had to go through what he did yesterday. To be perfectly honest I’ve chosen to see it as part of a necessary process that he needs to go through in order to find his happiness once again.

Sunday morning and my parents and I are helping my brother move out of his apartment. Just to refresh your memories, this is the apartment that my brother has had for several years. He lived there as a bachelor and used to rent it out when he’d go on his “round the world wanderings.” However, at the beginning of this year he returned from a trip to Cuba with a wife he’d known for less than 3 weeks. The two of them moved in to his apartment and before long she was pregnant. Despite my family’s ability to warm to the idea, he wasn’t happy. This unhappiness was evident fairly early on but my brother was determined to soldier on. I had believed all was well until I found him drunk on a curb in the East End and he revealed to me that not only had his wife Alicia had a miscarriage but that it had confirmed the fact that he was no longer in love with her. It was only after a revealing conversation with his girlfriend…sorry Wife that I discovered she had slept with someone else.

And that is what brought us to the place we were at yesterday. My brother had decided to move out of his apartment and leave it to her until she figured out what she wanted to do. I didn’t really understand how he had come to this decision but here we were. Until he figured out what he was going to do with himself he was planned to move back in with my parents, to no doubt be subjected to a significantly large amount of judgement. We arrived at the apartment in a rented van. Entering their home was surreal, it was a house divided, certain pictures were missing from the walls, there was no sense of the people who lived there. In place of what had once appeared to be the happy dwelling of two people very much in love, was emptiness, confusion the tangible product of separation.

I had expected my brother to look beaten, affected, equally as down as that night on the curb but he didn’t. On this Sunday morning my brother looked well, not exactly happy just more relieved, relieved to be moving out of what had been an apparently negative situation. His wife was not there, she had decided it would be best to avoid my family and their recent meetings informed me that was probably the best decision. I don’t mean to sound selfish but it didn’t matter where she was at this point I was there for my brother.

My parents played their usual roles in uncomfortable situations, my mum was tactful and sensitive, it was clear she was going to wait until things were more settled to give my brother the “Please don’t marry random girls you meet on holiday” talk. My father however, played his usual role of being highly and unintentionally insensitive.

“Well, this is a shame. I’ve been working on my Spanish so Alicia and I could talk” my dad said while picking up the box marked ‘Books’.

“You really messed this one up, not only have you lost your financial freedom but also the flat you bought when you had it” my dad joked, while packing my brothers camera.

My brother Xav didn’t respond, I was glad, I didn’t see it necessary but I had to love my dad’s social awkwardness, even at 50 + he still couldn’t read a room.

We were finished before twelve, in a matter of hours my brother had packed up the life he had created with this woman. This was the woman with whom he’d intended to share his life, the woman who was to be the mother of his child. And yet here we were, with boxes at the very end.

He didn’t take a look back as we left, I suppose he didn’t see it as something he needed to do and together we walked out, locking the door on his old life.

Arriving at my parents Xav went up to his old room, partly I feel to avoid my father’s jokes and my mother’s sympathy.  Shortly after I followed. His room is the same as when he left. I’ll never forget that day, when he left me for his new apartment. I spent every night for a month sleeping in his room wishing he’d come back to save me from my parents. And there he was, years later still the same, lying on his bed with his eyes closed listening to music through his headphones.

Words aren’t always necessary, so I didn’t say any as a lay beside him and grabbed an earphone. We just laid there as song after song played, two siblings back home, equally uncertain of the future.